The Key - Who are you? Heck, Who am I!?

Inspired by yet another one of Crap’s posts on his site,
http://secondlife.isfullofcrap.com/2007/08/hiding_in_plain_sight.html

I did really enjoy the key post. and it has again, caused me to think, considering Caleb dragged me into the conversation.

Up until now, a person was the sum of their physical attributes, personality disorders, quirks, and such. it was all in one inseparable package. Starting probably with the telephone, one could filter out aspects of one’s self in presentation to someone else. (actually, this started back when someone realized they could write something down, and mail it to someone else.)

At what point in that filtering process does one stop being oneself, and becomes a character of one’s self?

As a writer and a D&D roleplayer of several decades, I always have characters in my head. New characters, old characters, conversations between characters always going on.

In writing or roleplaying, each character is a separate entity, though some are more contrived as in they have been deliberatly created with a specific role and situation in mind. Like any writer, the personality of a character is a reflection or duplication of my own, with likes and dislikes, though, run though a personality mixer, not unlike music. I am curious about many things, and am always interested in learning, though understanding what I learn I may not like, or want to incorporate into my own personality, but that the knowledge is useful for a character.

I adjust my likes and dislikes though a personality mixer, suppressing some things, and amplifying others to create a distinct personality. once the settings are made, the character runs off under it’s own steam, and it learns more about what it likes and doesn’t like that can surprise both the character and myself.

In a geek/nerd way, it’s like setting up the initial parameters of a program and letting it run to see what happens. That is usually the way I see the characters, as subroutines of my own self, usually for my own entertainment.

However, this is something that is not unique to the Writer, role-player, or even actor. Everyone does this, but not so consciously or willfully.

The way the brain works, is that it works on sensory input, and uses that input to generate a model of the world that we all have in our heads. We can imagine and anticipate things in our internal models of the world, and be prepared to cope with them. We like to refer to this as intuition. We model everything. THe physical world around us. the Work that we expect we need to do today, and even the people around us.

Say there is a fella named Joe. He and I interact every day. I really don’t know Joe as Joe knows himself. I only know him from the way he behaves, acts, talks, etc. I use that information unconsciously to build a Model of Joe in my mind. The more I interact with the Real Joe, the better my internal model of Joe becomes. I can then use the model of Joe in my head to anticipate how he might react to some news or information I need to relay, or a question I need to ask of him. I use this model to guess at what type of Gift I might wish to give him to cause a particular reaction. (do I want to please him, Tease him, annoy him, etc)

By having an incomplete model of someone in my head, ( and they are never complete) I can misinterpret the model or make a faulty projection. So that when Joe does not respond the way I expect him to, I get mad, and blame Joe, when in actuality, I should be blaming the model of Joe I have in my head.

Too many people mistake the model of someone in their head for the real person, and thus Drama ensues. It really is Drama in the theatrical sense as we feel that the other person has misread their lines, rather than ourselves responding to mis-cues.

Now that we have the ability to filter ourselves, though remote communication techniques, Phones, Internet Chat, virtual worlds. Now, though Letters, phone conversations, chat, and other such non-visual methods of communication. Due to the non-visual nature of the interaction, it was easier to intuitively know that the model of a person that we were creating is incomplete.

With interactive games like Everquest and World of Warcraft, we now had visual clues, but again, it was an environment that was deliberately limited in such options, and was clear that we were not looking at a true representation of the person we are interacting to. However, we were able to generate more complete models of the person behind the character, as we could start to pick up cues not only from chat and speech, but from non-verbal actions. Is that person greedy or generous? Does he share? does he work well in groups? Does he take the lead, or prefer to remain more in the background.

Now we have Second life. Unlike all the other virtual worlds out there, one is not limited to a specific selection of Races, colors, and professions. Everyone has the ability to project what they want everyone else to see about themselves. Most people seem to be happy with projecting a basic human shape, customized perhaps as they would truly like to be. Men have broad shoulders, slim waists, Women are slim and curvy with long legs. Physical blemishes and deformities are missing. Other artificial Cues are given as well. When one sees another person in real life, or Material Life? part of the input we have is how a person moves, stands, walks, twitches, etc. that all get added to the model we generate of that person. In Second life, it is possible to get an Animation Override, a set of poses that reflect the way a character walks, stands, twitches in the virtual world. These are available in many different sets, each usually designed to express something about the character. Are they Shy, Confident, Sensual, Punk, mean, causal etc.

These cues are used when we meet someone new in second life and our mind automatically picks up on these artificial cues when generating our internal model. Someone who has picked out a skin, hair, clothes, stance to represent themselves has created a character of themselves. Sometimes it is to represent who they would like to be. Other times it is to hide who they really are.

Then there are those that deliberately design an avatar to be as abnormal as possible. An impossible color, or proportions. THey can be an anthromorphic animal, robot, wind-up toy, a little green man from mars, or even a Tree. What are these people trying to say? They are not adopting a character that might fit a common stereotype. They are almost deliberately confusing the issue by providing visual cues that our minds try to incorporate into that mental model that we know are false and misleading. What is the motive here?

Are they desperately trying to hide who they are? I don’t think so. I think what most of them are doing, consciously or unconsciously, is to say to others.. “Hey, this is not really me. this is just an image I use to identify myself here. It’s a Brand, not my actual self. DO not get them confused. Do not judge this book by the cover.”

One must be careful, even in these cases, not to generalize too much. A reason for selecting an avatar can be as unique as the person themselves. There is no way to know the truth of why. Perhaps the person himself does not know. It just “feels right” Is this person portraying a character then, or simply allowing what he feels to be more his true self to be pictured. Is a person’s actual physical form actually a part of that person’s personality, or does that person see their physical form as holding back or hiding their true self as they see themselves?

Certainly there are cases where someone is playing a character. They want to be an elf or a dragon, so they make up a character based on that premise. As Second life, by it’s nature not a role-playing game, though it does allow people to do so, it can be challenging to tell the difference at times.

So, now that I have successfully avoided the point of this article for so long, I must ask then, at what point is a person playing themselves, or a character of themselves. Are they in fact, their own character? Can a person have more than one character?

Many people have noticed that when they go to work, they have a work personality, different from their home personality. They filter the world and their activities as they relate to the task at hand. Is this a true personality, or the same personality they always have, just with a different filter on? Is it a combination of the two? One of the consequences of such virtual worlds is that it allows us to see these personality filters more clearly, as they are evoked as part of the creation of our avatars we wish to present. Does the person behind the avatar see the avatar as a truer representation of themselves. Do people believe that when others say that? Can someone have two or more distinct personalities, yet feel they are both valid representations of themselves, and not just characters?

I bring up my case specifically, since Caleb invoked me. I have two distinct online presences. Razzap Snookums, a little green man from mars, and Andromeda Despres, a very pretty woman from mars. Both have similarities, as they both usually have, as a default, Green skin and sparkly antennae. Both are a subset or a version of my personality though a filter or a mixer. They each have their own likes and dislikes and preferences. All of their likes and dislikes I see as my own. As a writer, I see Razzap as my male voice ( and being a male in the material world, is usually most identified with my perceived real personality) and Andromeda is my Female voice, who usually only gets to express herself though the characters I write about. I see both as Arch-type personalities, the baseline of any character I generate with my imagination. Likely as well, the default model that gets used when meeting a new person and I start the process of modeling that person in my own mind.

What perhaps adds to the confusion as to who I am, I have the capability to have both Razzap and Andromeda online at the same time. I do not think of Andromeda as an Alternate, any more than I think Razzap is. In essence, both are Alternates of Me, Myself. But again, I see them both as Me and Myself, as in the deep dark recesses of my grey matter, they are, in fact, along with I, Me. I am me and myself, though I can express myself different ways though different filters. I do this willfully and consciously, as I like me, myself, and I, even though they do have their differences. Because they are different archetypes. I am Ian, but I am also Razzap, Andromeda, and any one of the dozens of characters I have generated for games and books.

I will see a new toy, a shiny object, and usually I will think to myself, i like that, but is it Razzap or Andromeda that likes it. One of them will. Razzap likes Cars and Trucks. Andromeda likes Motorcycles.

Do I need to do this? Can’t I just say, Ian Likes Cars, trunks and motorcycles? Sure I can. And I know I do. But I also know I need to have a specific frame of mind to enjoy something to it’s fullest.
Razzap and Andromeda are frames of mind or frames of reference I have. Sometimes it’s fun to play mental games, and see how each frame of reference responds to a particular item or information. How do I react. How should I react? The real answer many times is I don’t know. A normal(?) person might judge based on how the information or item or event will impact them. Will it affect me financially? DOes it represent a danger to me or my family?

So, when is someone representing themselves to the best of their ability, or simply playing a character of themselves? Is this actually a valid question? Can people judge themselves objectively enough to be able to say.. this is how I see myself and want to present myself to others. They may be trying hard to live up to that internal image they have of themselves, but the means they do may give others that they are just acting out a character.

I am not sure there is an answer out there. I certainly believe that we do not yet know enough about our thinking processes and understand the brain well enough to answer that question now. Virtual Worlds like Second life however give us clues as to how we think about each other and ourselves. It yet remains to be an exciting journey as the virtual worlds become more realistic, and our abilities to remake ourselves into any image we want will stretch our understanding of what it is to be alive, Human, and what will we become as technology and knowledge continue to converge.