BDSM for DUMMIES

If you’ve looked into my profile, then you already know that I’m a ‘kinkster’. BDSM isn’t my only passion in SL, but it’s a good-sized chunk of it. And I am a ’switch’, which means that sometimes I am dominant, and sometimes submissive. It all depends upon whom I am with, or my mood, or both. The best ‘dommes’ are ones who have also experienced playing the subbie, and vice-versa. But that’s a story for another day…

If you’re ‘kinda new’ to BDSM, either in SL or in real life, here’s my two cents’ worth on what it’s all about.

There are 4 MAIN ELEMENTS:

1) BONDAGE – do you like the idea of being helpless, tied up, unable to move. Not knowing what will happen next? At the mercy of your partner?
Does it excite you? Or scare you? Or maybe both.

2) PAIN – many people, but not all, can get an exquisite ‘rush’ from the sensation of erogenous pain (We’re not talking a headache, here, luv. Pain in your ass, your genitals, your nipples, all those trigger spots to your sexual excitement). Ever added a little ‘spanking’ to your rl sex, or played ‘hard’, like biting a nipple, in a moment of passion? Did you find this arousing? Then you’ll probably enjoy the pain aspect of BDSM. For me, pain comes in 4 levels:

A) The first strokes, or slaps, or whatever. This hurts. If you’ve done it before, it’s a welcome hurt, because you can’t wait for the endorphins to start coursing through your brain, bringing you their wonderful pleasure. “More”, you want to say, and “Now”. “Quicker”. Take me into that never-never land of pain and pleasure combined, where they are melded and mixed together in a foggy swirl of sensations. It hurts!…but it feels so good!

B) The endorphins kick in. Now, the spanks, or the slaps, or the sharp pinches of the nipple, cause more pleasure than pain. You drift into a shadowy, dreamy world of personal pleasure and arousal. It feels wonderful, and you never want it to end. You may find yourself mumbling, or even shouting, to your partner: “More! Please, please don’t Stop! I love it!”

C) Eventually, though, the whip or the tawse or the hairbrush begin to scar your mind, as well as your body, and the pain begins to increase, while the pleasure starts to subside. Now it’s not fun anymore, and you beg for mercy, or you should (smile). If your partner is an experienced one, and they are attuned to your feelings, they can push you and pull you back and forth between B) and C) for what seems like hours. They mop your brow. They tell you how good you are to ‘take it from me like this’. Maybe they offer you a nipple to suck on, or a body part to worship. And then, they slowly start the endorphins rushing again. And again, and again, and again. Time deliciously, wondrously, slows to a crawl. An hour can feel like a day, or a week, or for a while, unending and timeless.

D) But at SOME point, every body’s pain nerves get overloaded, and pleasure just shuts down, but it still hurts a lot. Oh, does it hurt! You yearn for the pleasure to come back, but all you get is more pain. You beg, you SCREAM for mercy. At this point, most sessions stop.

But sometimes, with 2 experienced players, the sub can ‘will’ themselves to submit to the pain, to ‘offer it up’ for the pleasure of the master/mistress. This is very hard to do – it HURTS! It is AGONY! But when you know your suffering is pleasing the other, you try to go numb, to please them. When they finally stop, you know you’ve given them more pleasure than any mere sex act could do. You are also sopping wet with sweat, your eyes are filled with tears, and you’re a mess (grin)! And your heart is thumping like you just finished a marathon.

In real life, I’ve only attained this last, fourth stage of pain a few times. It is difficult to reach, and beginners should not even try. If you are lucky enough to feel it some day, from either side of the whip, you will find it a fantastically moving experience. You’ll probably end up in each other’s arms for a long time. Not having sex, not even being horny – just hugging as tightly to another human being as you ever have in your entire life. You won’t forget it. Ever. I know.

Which level of pain excites you, do you think? Which scares you? A, B, C, D: “Which door do YOU choose”, said The Spider to The Fly.

3) HUMILIATION – Public or private. Or both. Somebody is taunting you on the size of your dong. Or your tits. You’ve always known they weren’t as big as you wanted them, and now somebody is telling you that, and ridiculing you. Laughing at you for WANTING to be tied up, for WANTING to have pain, for being SICK in your mind. Taunting your helplessness. This is the ‘Pandora’s Box’ of BDSM. It sounds like fun. And it is! But a good dom/domme can probe, and find the ‘weak’ spots in your psyche, and you’ll gasp at how well they understand your inner needs and cravings. If you have a weak personality to begin with, they can literally CRUSH you mentally. They can make you feel like SHIT – real, raw, smelly SHIT…and they can do it in about 90 different ways! Can you handle something as powerful as this? Does the thought of this excite you? Or scare you? Or both.

4) LOSS OF CONTROL – Tired of making decisions in your job, in your everyday real life existence? Is the pressure of trying to ‘do the right thing’ all the time getting you down, luv? Feel guilty about the mistakes you’ve been making in real life? Come on down to ‘Rindy’s Confessional’. I’ll tie you up, and you’ll tell me you’re sins, and then I’ll punish you until your sins are expunged. And then YOU will please ME sexually, in any way I want, for as long as I want, because you feel so good now that the burden of your guilt has been lifted, and you need to thank me for it in any way you can. Sound exciting? Sound scary? Or both.

Every player in BDSM feels the above 4 things, to a greater or lesser extent. The combinations and nuances are endless, and different for everyone, even different each time for the same person. Stop and think, then, for a minute. Which parts above excited you the most? Did any of them disgust you? The more you are aware of your own inner desires, the more enjoyment you will get out of a session. A good dom/domme will ‘read’ your subtle (and sometimes not so subtle (grin)) hints. As your enjoyment increases, so will theirs.

If you’ve gotten this far, I thank you for your attentiveness. Whether you are pure newbie, or rookie, or even an experienced player, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I just shared with you a big chunk of my soul. Please give me in return a small piece of yours.

Rindy