The continuing saga of Mr. X

“I heard you and Random Guy broke up. You doing okay?” Mr. X and I had fallen into a casual friendship since that fateful night five months ago, when I found out that he and Live-In Girl were cohabitating. After all this time, and a brief but tumultuous romance, I still longed for Mr. X to distinguish me as more than a friend. I further knew the possibility of such an acknowledgement was of the question, at least until Live-In Girl was no longer sharing an address with him.

“Its true.” I say, trying to avoid my feelings of regret over the relationship. “So what are you up to?”

My meager attempt to change the subject works and Mr. X replies, “Just flying around. Seeing what’s happening on the island.”

“Well, nothing much here. Getting ready for a party tomorrow night.” I suddenly notice that he is alone. Against my better judgment I ask, “Where is Live-In Girl?”

He shrugs. “No clue,” is his response. I speculate whether his answer should have been that he didn’t care, but the quickly erase that from my mind. “She had some family stuff this weekend, so she may not be around.”

“Oh.” As I type my response, a thought registers. Live-In Girl may be gone the entire weekend. This may be my chance to get him alone, to show him how I feel about him. It is time to rely upon something I have grown very comfortable with…flirting.

We spend the next several days in each other’s company. We truly enjoy the laughter we share, whisking from party to concert, and from hilltop village to underwater biome. I consciously choose my words with wisdom. I am careful to divulge feelings, but still avoid the inevitable vulnerability that accompanies unrequited love.

After dancing at a hilltop disco into the wee hours of the morning and watching the sunset over the rolling landscape, Mr. X still seems oblivious to my flirting. He does not notice the twenty times I have changed my outfit, only hoping he would find me attractive. He has yet to comment on the hug that I share only with him, sharing bland and generic hugs with others. Finally, when he didn’t perceive the subtle terms of endearment thrown into conversation, I decide it is time to tell him my feelings.

At the end of another unforgettable evening, Mr. X is about to say his goodbyes. I begin to type furiously, hopeful to reach him before he vanishes. As I type and delete a series of times, I see someone new pop into onto the screen. I freeze, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, as I recognize Live-In Girl.

I proceed to delete everything I had just typed, and fall silent. I watch Mr. X closely to see his reaction, and begin to feel a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. At first there is silence, then he and Live-In Girl begin their exchange. He appears suddenly rejuvenated as soon as she arrives, and the feeling in my stomach drops quickly to my toes. I am frozen in time.

Minutes later, Mr. X and Live-In Girl disappear together. At first, relief consumes me. Then almost simultaneously, a pang of sadness creeps through my chest. I was left behind as soon as Live-In Girl appeared. As realization sets in, I am left feeling nothing. It is as if all my emotions have tangled themselves into a perfect knot, unable to be freed. I have a solitary thought.

He loves her.

I feel a familiar sting beginning to develop behind my eyes. Blinking feverishly to avoid a tear from escaping, I decide to distance myself from Mr. X and Live-In Girl. As I shut down my computer for the evening, I tell myself that I will stay out of Second Life for a while. I convince myself I need time away to collect my thoughts and forget the reality of my virtual life. All the while, I am aware of my need for time away from Mr. X. Setting eyes on him will only remind me of the remorse that accompanies unanswered prayers.